Too Positive

I was recently searching for an inspirational video while designing a workshop for a client. I wanted to find something new, contemporary and – by the client’s request – “inspirational.” I know enough about inspiration to ask the important questions, and interviewed the client to better gauge the standard they had in mind.

My question to the client was this: “It has to resonate with you and the audience; what feelings do you want after watching the video?”

The client’s answer was, and I’m paraphrasing, “Make it real and authentic. Please don’t give us anything that’s just rainbows and unicorns. No fluff. Make it real.”

That was music to my ears. If I have one complaint about our coaching profession, it’s that there’s too much positivity. That’s right – too much positive!

To be clear, I love being positive and I cherish the positive experiences and relationships I have in life. They feel great and serve in so many ways. However, without the challenges and realistic perspectives of life, without acknowledging that there is room for the negative, we can lose credibility with others and we avoid processing the full spectrum of our own feelings … creating a mask of perpetual optimism.

“If we define optimism broadly as the tendency to maintain a positive outlook, then realistic optimism is the tendency to maintain a positive outlook within the constraints of the available “measurable phenomena situated in the physical and social world”
— Sandra L. Schneider

Realistic Optimism is a component of emotional intelligence, according to professor Sandra L. Schneider, University of South Florida. Schneider is well published in the area of academic research for judgment, decision making and optimism. She suggests that “if we define optimism broadly as the tendency to maintain a positive outlook, then realistic optimism is the tendency to maintain a positive outlook within the constraints of the available measurable phenomena situated in the physical and social world.”

These “constraints of the measurable” are a large part of the objective and subjective data we tap into to make decisions of trust and credibility in others … certainly those we allow to influence us and those we’ll follow.

In my TEDx two years ago, I encouraged leaders to be realistic. I find myself doing the same today, and perhaps even more so than ever. Trust and credibility require being aligned, at least to the extent where we can “see eye to eye.” A highly optimistic leader can at first be attractive, but long-term credibility is often eroded when the reality of experiences delivers something other than the rosy-colored outlook originally shared.

This doesn’t mean as leaders we need to be a wet blanket -on the contrary. Being influential and inspirational is a must. Being positive is often a key to being inspirational; however, it should never be at the expense of being realistic.

Executive coaching, leadership development and team building in this space is something I had learned in the past as a previous client of Emergent. Now a partner, I am both humbled and honored to be delivering on this significant work all over Central NY.