Consciousness in Coaching

 

In your leadership, it’s important to become highly self-aware – understanding and acknowledging how you “show up,” how your demeanor or behavior impacts others, and being able to adapt your approach to the situation. Then you’re better able to achieve the full promise of leadership – coaching others. In this episode, Bill and Ralph discuss consciousness and suggest practices that will help you sharpen your self-awareness.

 

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*Note: The following text is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases may be incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors

 

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Bill Berthel:

Welcome to the Get Emergent podcast where we discuss leadership team and organizational topics and best practices. We like to provide ideas, concepts, and pragmatic experiments to help you develop your potential in your work and leadership. I’m Bill Berthel.

Ralph Simone:

And I’m Ralph Simone.

Bill Berthel:

So Ralph, we’re going to be talking about, we’re going to have a series of four or so podcasts that really support this concept of leader as coach, the coaching modality in leadership. Love it. And today we want to talk about consciousness and coaching.

Ralph Simone:

I mean, that’s kind of a fancy word that I think it’s bantered about by people like ourselves, other coaching professionals. What do we mean when we talk about consciousness? And then specifically in coaching,

Bill Berthel:

I can get really distracted in this space with consciousness theory. There are two prevailing theories being discussed philosophically because so far science, Ralph is far, far behind in answering where consciousness comes from. This becomes an interesting philosophical debate, whether consciousness is a fundamental dynamic of the universe. This gets heavy, or if consciousness is an emergent property derived from physical stuff happening, atoms, chemicals, energy, having an experience. And I think this matters. This isn’t just philosophy because as leaders we need to know how to connect to our source of consciousness, so it matters where this comes from for ourselves, whichever might be true fundamentalism, materialism of emergent properties. By the way, I like the emergent properties idea. Of course, that’s our brand, right? What’s most important is that we connect to our consciousness that we become highly self-aware, very aware of.

Ralph Simone:

So that was coming up for me. If we could use the word awareness for the purpose of this conversation almost interchangeably, because we want to be aware of ourselves.

Bill Berthel:

I think so, yes.

Ralph Simone:

The things that motivate us, the things that make us impatient, the things that trigger us.

Bill Berthel:

I think so, yes.

Ralph Simone:

But it goes beyond just our own.

Bill Berthel:

It does, especially in this context of leadership and coaching. We do need to be in touch with our own self-awareness, and I think it starts there, but we also need to be socially aware of the people or the person we’re leading or coaching. We need to be able to dial into what are their feelings, their thoughts, their senses, their thought processes, what’s going on with them. Now we cannot have their experience. I’m not suggesting that, but we need to be able to dial in and relate to an awareness of their being.

Ralph Simone:

Bill, I’m curious about what we would say about the leader, and you and I have both interacted with the leader that says, I am a driven guy who is impatient and I’m totally aware of that. Would we describe that as someone demonstrating high levels of consciousness?

Bill Berthel:

I think they’re demonstrating their current consciousness. I think that’s fair. Now I think Ralph, I think the question you’re really asking there is depending upon the situation of the context, will that be effective in their leadership? And probably not most of the time if they’re operating at warp speed, that might have them very successful in many ways. I think there’s a pretty solid chance they’re missing some opportunities.

Ralph Simone:

And maybe I was setting you up for

Bill Berthel:

The No, it’s good. It’s good

Ralph Simone:

Because I think it’s this being aware or conscious of how you are not only showing up yourself, but how you’re affecting the environment

Bill Berthel:

Absolutely.

Ralph Simone:

By which you show up. I was reminded, and I may have shared this story with you before, but when my son was younger, he used to come along with me to a lot of different things. And I think sometimes you do need a coach or you do need someone who can give you feedback to help your consciousness expand so that you can actually be aware of how you’re showing up. And it’s kind of a funny story, but we had a retail situation where I wasn’t very happy with the outcome, and after it was settled and we were back in the car driving home, he said, dad, do you ever hear how you sound? Yes. And of course I said, you mean when I’m on the radio or podcasts? He goes, no, no. Have you ever listened to how you sound when you’re unhappy with someone or something? And I was kind of taken aback. He goes, you don’t sound like someone that I would be interested in helping 10 years old. I’m in the business of raising people’s consciousness. But it was at that moment that I was missing something and I was missing a pattern behavior, and I wasn’t being aware of how it was not only impacting me, but how it was impacting the situation.

Bill Berthel:

That was brilliant. Coaching on your son’s part, no matter what his age, I believe we can find coaches all around us if we’re open to it. I know that, or at least I think that a mirror as a material object probably doesn’t have consciousness, but I think it’s a great analogy. Coaches, leaders that can I say slow things up, but I think it’s slowing down to go faster. They can slow us down. Whatever comes into the view of the mirror is reflected more accurately. That is a form of awareness and consciousness. Good coaches do that just as your son did in that moment. He was able to act as a mirror for you. It’s a brilliant form of consciousness.

Ralph Simone:

And so is part of consciousness, this ability to self-serve, cultivate the witness in ourselves, to observe ourselves real time and to adjust based on whether how we’re showing up is resourceful or not to the situation.

Bill Berthel:

I think that adjustment is that second step after that self-reflection or that self-awareness and reflection. That adjustment usually involves a few things. One, it’s a conscious adjustment for purpose. It’s not just simply being agile or flexible in the moment. It’s purposeful when we’re a leader. As coach, we’re typically interested in guiding someone or assisting someone to find more purposeful action or reframe something to make something possible. And so it’s a very purposeful adjustment. I think one of the most important things we do as leader, as coach, and something maybe that really fast processing leader misses the opportunity to do is suspend their judgment in that moment. I think really good coaches are not at judgment. They’re completely available to the person or people that they’re leading in coaching. And so part of that adjustment is also suspending that judgment to be fully present to assist in the coaching of that person.

Ralph Simone:

I love that. I think we would suggest as a way to suspend that judgment to get curious.

Bill Berthel:

I love that.

Ralph Simone:

And I think it’s this idea of slowing down enough to suspend that judgment, to ask the question, what could be being communicated here? What else could be going on? And I know we often talk about this idea of trusting your higher coach. I’m assuming that we mean to trust your higher consciousness.

Bill Berthel:

It really is what that is. Trusting your higher coach is perhaps a term that does kind of get tossed around in our industry a bit. But it is connecting to your higher consciousness, the higher level of awareness that’s available, not just in yourself, but by being conscious and aware of the individuals around you and that situation because the context of the situation matters. We’re going to dive deeper into context in a future podcast, but that’s a third element of awareness that really matters in the effective coaching because not every situation is equitable or the same.

Ralph Simone:

So if I wanted to be a coach in my organization and I wanted to be really effective at it, what suggestions would you have for me to raise my consciousness, my awareness?

Bill Berthel:

So I think it sounds like a broken record sometimes in our industry, but it starts with self-awareness. It really does. The reason it’s a broken record is because it’s true. Take those opportunities to really slow down to go faster and have reflection opportunities through the day. You might do some self-coaching by asking yourself, how am I showing up? How am I being received? What am I thinking? What am I feeling in these moments? So I think that self-reflection is first step for self-awareness.

Ralph Simone:

We often talk about the strategic pause. Love it. Is that a place for this self-reflection to take place?

Bill Berthel:

Yeah, I think it is. I think we can take that strategic pause in real time and check in with ourselves. Just check in. What am I thinking? What am I feeling? What am I sensing? I think we can do it very strategically in reflective moments through the day. Maybe it’s we have to figure out what works for us, but maybe it’s some morning break or at noon near lunch or something like that that we can intentionally set aside a few moments. This does not have to be a big chunk of time, a few moments just to check in with self. I think we can do that through journaling. That’s a fancy word for note taking. It’s just a way to self-reflect. Right? Just journal about that and just check in with ourselves.

Ralph Simone:

I was actually smiling when you said journaling. I’ve gone back and reread journals from 10 years ago. I just started this practice last week. I read about it and I read a note about how I needed to be more patient with my daughter, Sophie. This is 10 years ago. And I noticed through my journaling, there were recurring themes about being more patient. She’s such a sweet kid. She’s only trying to please, so I noticed this impatience I had with her. And so I’ve been very mindful and intentional. Now 23 years later, she sends me a text just yesterday, which I was so proud of, and I am actually going to bring it up right now because

Bill Berthel:

Awesome. Please, please do.

Ralph Simone:

It was a reflection of becoming more conscious of my interactions with her and intentionally changing. You are very nice to me. And it was a little emoji, but I believe it was triggered from my journaling practice 10 years ago and my intention of showing up differently. But the journaling helped me become aware of my pattern behavior and it was a really nice gift,

Bill Berthel:

Ralph. That’s beautiful. And I’m glad you shared that. I think you’re bringing up an incredibly important element here to talk about that it is a practice. This isn’t a switch we turn on and stays on. It is a continual practice. So allow ourselves that space for grace, that time to keep practicing what we’re becoming more aware of. The second thing I think you really dialed into there, which I appreciate is compassion. The opening of awareness, the higher levels of consciousness allow us to be more compassionate leaders and coaches. And what that really means is our empathy and understanding of others is put into action. Compassion isn’t a soft thing, it’s action oriented. I think we sometimes think, oh, compassion’s, huggy, feely. It’s our empathy in action. As leaders, I believe most of the people that are working with us or following us expect us to be in action with them. And when we do that, through our understanding, that’s compassion.

Ralph Simone:

Wow, love it. What other practices would we suggest to our listeners as a way of becoming more conscious or more aware or more awake, whatever word we want to use.

Bill Berthel:

So open ourselves to those coaches that are already around us. Like your example with your son. I’ve had examples like that in my life with people around me, my son as a young tot in the backseat of the car, noticing my behaviors and being able to point out to me in a really delicate way how I was actually operating outside of my own values. We have those coaches all around us. There are coworkers. There’re our family members, there’re people in our communities. Hopefully we’ve got cool neighbors that are potential coaches. Without that title in your life, pay attention to the coaches around you and accept that coaching.

Ralph Simone:

I love that. How would meditation and or mindfulness help people become more conscious in their coaching?

Bill Berthel:

So I think that’s a great topic, and we both know that. We hear sometimes the feedback, well, I can’t meditate. I don’t meditate well, and I’m even guilty of saying that myself. I think stillness practices, creating those opportunities in our day where just for a few minutes at first we can build up more time to really create that reset. It’s a counterbalance to all of the, I call it the on and the go activities through the day. Those stillness practices, that could be meditation, it could look more like prayer for some people, it can be stillness, creates that counterbalance of what we’re typically not doing through the rest of the day. We’re constantly go, go, go, go.

Ralph Simone:

And perhaps an easier door opening to that is to just do a little body scanning, tie it to physical, pay attention to sensations in your body, and then if you want, move it to thoughts and emotions and feelings because like the stock exchange, we have this average emotional energy that’s changing throughout the day. And the more we can become in tune to that, the more able we are to manage ourselves and other situations.

Bill Berthel:

I love that. And that’s a fabulous way of being much more self-aware as well in that body scan practice as a meditation or as a stillness practice.

Ralph Simone:

The other one that I think is real simple is mindful walking. When you just notice how your foot strikes the ground, you become more present, you become more conscious, and I think you take in more of what’s really going on. We want to get out of our head long enough to be aware of what’s happening and to make a connection around what’s next.

Bill Berthel:

So I love that. And mindful walking is actually one that personally works for me. So that resonates. When my son was really little, we would just sometimes go out in the yard, sit down, close our eyes, and just do a listening tour of what was around us, right? You dial in to different sensibilities. It’s a way of slowing things down that then makes the rest of our day more connected. It’s not just simply slowing down.

Ralph Simone:

Well, and it sounds like it’s tuning into more of what’s actually going on.

Bill Berthel:

That’s It.

Ralph Simone:

And when we are fully conscious, we can be aware of self, others situation, the environment, and we have a much better chance of guiding and supporting people towards wherever they’re trying to get.

Bill Berthel:

So Ralph, I love how we reframed that big word of consciousness to be equitable with awareness. And that leaders as coaches in their leadership, as they’re driving people to purposeful action through every day, have an opportunity to become more and more conscious.

Hey folks, thanks for listening. And to learn more about our offering, leader as coach, please visit www.getemergent.com/leader-as-coach. Thank you.