Celebrating Ralph’s New Book: Slow Down to Go Faster

*Note: The following text is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

Bill Berthel:

Welcome to the Get Emergent Podcast. The Get Emergent Podcast guides leaders to creatively strengthen relationships and improve performance of their leadership and those that they lead. We like to provide concepts and ideas that you can turn into pragmatic experiments to help you develop your higher potential in your work and your leadership. And hopefully you’ll find some better practices to apply in your work. I’m Bill Berthel.

Ralph Simone:

And I’m Ralph Simone.

Bill Berthel:

Ralph, I’m really excited to have this episode with you because this is something near and dear to you and your work you’ve been working on for a little while now. Slow down to Go Faster. Your upcoming book. Ralph, first, congratulations.

Ralph Simone:

Thank you. It’s been a long time coming. I’m glad you just said for a while.

Bill Berthel:

Yeah, yeah. But I mean, there’s a lot of. It’s not just time. It’s your thoughtfulness and you wanting to do this really well.

Ralph Simone:

Right.

Bill Berthel:

And that does take time.

Ralph Simone:

Well, and I think it was the universe kind of, helping me out with it because I worked on this, as, you know, with my son, Rennie. Yeah. So this has been really a fun project to partner with him on. And so had I gotten it out earlier, I may not have had the chance to collaborate with him the way we did.

Bill Berthel:

Now. That’s awesome. And, our listeners probably would not know this, but Rennie supports our whole team with so many of his gifts, including his gift with the written word. He’s helpful with our. Much of our written material. So what an awesome project for the two of you to take on, as f. On and about a topic I think you both believe in and care about. I said it kind of quickly, but the title of the book is Slow down to Go Faster. What does that mean? What is the book about, Ralph?

Ralph Simone:

First and foremost, we teach what we need to learn. And we went back and forth whether we would have a subtitle. So there is a subtitle to to which says living and leading intentionally. Yeah, but the book is about. You know, I was. I’ve been, fast in most things, a good portion of my life. Fast eater, Fast processor. I’m not saying got the answer correctly, but, you know, quick to be ready, quick to be on to the next thing. And at some point in time, it occurred to me that that was not serving me very well and that I was actually being too fast. And I wasn’t experiencing the moment or the people or the processes that were right in front of me and in my mind or intuitively, maybe it was a whisper into my Soul. I heard this message years ago. There’s got to be a better way. Because slow down to go faster has been my mantra since at least 1996 or 97. Actually read it in a book on the martial arts. It was actually a book written by Chuck Norris. And the story he tells is between a sparring match between he and Bruce Lee. And for those that don’t know the martial arts, you know, Bruce Lee probably inarguably, was a more gifted, more talented martial artist. Quicker, faster with strikes. Yeah. But they were in a sparring match one day, and Lee was having trouble landing any of his strikes. He was having difficulty blocking any of Norris’s kicks. And after the match was over, he was lamenting to Norris how frustrated he was. And Chuck Norris looked at him, he said, you know, you need to slow down. You need to slow down to go faster. And he said, oh, that’s like a cone. He goes, no, it’s actually a good philosophy and mantra to be better at executing anything in. You know, we work with athletes, or as an athlete, we know when we get into flow state, everything seems to slow down.

Bill Berthel:

Right, Right.

Ralph Simone:

Almost like it’s in slow motion. We’re not rushing it. Yeah.

Bill Berthel:

time almost goes away.

Ralph Simone:

Yes. It disappears. So we’re meeting the moment fully.

Bill Berthel:

Yeah.

Ralph Simone:

And so this idea of slowing down to go faster, and it isn’t slowing down to go slower. I need to point that out to people periodically. But looking for the opportunities intentionally and strategically in one’s life is where would you benefit from slowing down?

Bill Berthel:

So it’s a little bit like pumping the brakes. I’m old enough to have learned to drive on a car that did not have abs. Right. And you had to pump the brakes. One, to not have the brakes burn out. But two, just being able to stay on the road. You were strategically pumping the brakes as a way to get down the road.

Ralph Simone:

I think that’s a great metaphor, and I think we need to be able to look for those opportunities. Not only future opportunities, but also real time opportunities. Would. Where would pumping the brakes be useful for us? We talk about it in our work. Our coaching work is the strategic pause. That’s an example of slowing down to go faster. I don’t know how many times in a meeting, maybe presenting to a senior leadership team, somebody’s asked me a very tricky question. And, you know, if you just blurt out the answer without pumping the brakes a little bit.

Bill Berthel:

Yes.

Ralph Simone:

Or without taking that strategic pause, you may answer in a way that doesn’t serve you or the group of people you’re with very well. So there’s lots of places to bake this mantra into your daytoday, week to week, you know, month to month and year to year living.

Bill Berthel:

Yeah, I love how fundamental the concepts you’re talking about are. It’s taking a beat, taking a breath, taking a strategic pause.

What are some of your either favorite chapters in the book, Ralph, or a key topic or two you’d really want our listeners to understand or know about?

Ralph Simone:

Certainly the first chapter, slowing down to go faster and really making the case and painting the picture of how it could benefit people. But I think the other two that come to mind, one is weekly planning, which we now at immersion call success planning. But this idea of being able to look proactively at seven days in advance or 14 days in advance, and to begin with the end in mind and to create that context of your life, to identify what’s most important to you, what matters most, what you value, and then to lay out goals and a roadmap to focus your time and energy on those things that are aligned with your higher self, your true self and your values and high leverage goals. I mean to me many people take more time planning their vacation than they do their lives. So this idea of weekly planning or success planning is a key process of slowing down to go faster. Because now I’m mapping it out intentionally. I am describing what success looks like, I’m describing what’s most important to me. And in the moment of choice, I’m living that out because I’ve taken the time to not only think about it, but to embody it.

Bill Berthel:

There’s a key piece you talked about having that aligned with your purpose. And I’m going to assume that in a chapter before weekly planning, you do that work or you make that point. It’s a, chapter two, True North.

Ralph Simone:

Absolutely. That whole chapter actually takes people through the process of reflecting on what true north is for them at this point in time. Yeah, you know, their sense of purpose, their self selected values by which they want to make all choices. Right. Conscious choice in their life. So the True north lays that out. Right. That’s the beacon. I was a student of Stephen Covey for years. I was certified in delivering the seven habits of highly effective people. And you know, he would say, you know, begin with the end in mind. All things are created twice. And we want to make sure that we are living in alignment with those things which are most important to us. So that becomes our beacon, our compass, if you would, to guide Our behaviors day to day, week to week, year to year.

Bill Berthel:

I love how you just made that more approachable than I sometimes have read or heard about. That idea of purpose is, I think you just said, for what’s important to you right now. It doesn’t have to be the big P purpose. It could be a more lowercase P. That’s really okay.

Ralph Simone:

I think a lot of people get hung up on the big P. Yeah, Yeah. I think a lot of people get hung up on my one purpose as opposed to a sense of purpose. I think a lot of people don’t put pen to paper because of the finality of it.

Bill Berthel:

Yeah.

Ralph Simone:

Or this has to be perfect or the perfection of it. And I think what we do in certainly chapter two is we say get something down that will guide you in a way that will allow you to get more of what you want in a way that allows you to get it again and again and again. And that’s the purpose. But in order to take that time, you have to intentionally slow down.

Bill Berthel:

So what are you most proud of with this book?

Ralph Simone:

Finishing it, I think would be, would be the first thing. But you asked me previously, another favorite chapter is I got out of my own way long enough to finish it.

Bill Berthel:

That’s, cool.

Ralph Simone:

You know, one of the things that, you know, we address as coaches is the limiting beliefs that all of us have that prevent us from getting into action. And I used to kid about this. I kid about it last that I, I’d say I’m the fourth best writer in my family. I bet people scratch their head and say, yeah, there’s only four of you. I said, exactly. And so I, I never saw myself as being a good writer. And for a long time that got in the way of me starting and certainly finishing.

Bill Berthel:

Yeah.

Ralph Simone:

Ah, because I had this view, you know, who’s going to read it? Is it good enough? And so you can, you can polish for such a long time that you never get started. So I think I’m proudest of finishing it. I, I also think I’m proudest of the direction I took while writing it. You know, there’s a little known story about this book that I’d been talking about writing a book for a long time since I’ve been in consulting. But the things we learn, both the hard way and sometimes the easy way. And I just wasn’t getting around to it. And then finally when I got around to it, I was making progress, but it wasn’t enjoyable. And this is the breakthrough story. My son was home from college, on break. And I was working at the dining room table because as I mentioned to him at the time, I read somewhere that if you’re going to write a book, you got to write every day. So I am disciplined. And at 6:30 every night, I’m going to the dining room table and for 90 minutes from 6:30 to 8, I’m cranking out stuff. And, he walked by the dining room on his way to the kitchen. And he looked and he just said, dad, what are you doing? I said, well, I’m writing. And he goes, you don’t seem very happy.

Bill Berthel:

Oh gosh.

Ralph Simone:

Yeah. I said, well, no, I’m not.

Bill Berthel:

He could see it in you.

Ralph Simone:

Yeah, there’s a grind.

Bill Berthel:

Yeah.

Ralph Simone:

And he goes, well, would you mind if I took a look at what you’re writing? And so I handed, because I wrote everything out longhand, handed him the pad and he read through it. And you’ve worked with him. So he’s, he’s very polite and very respectful. And he said, well, this, this doesn’t really reflect what I’ve heard. As you’re thinking on the topic.

Bill Berthel:

He was telling you it wasn’t your best work.

Ralph Simone:

No. Really nice, in a very nice way. And I said, no, it’s not. And I was, you know, showed some discouragement. And he asked me, he asked me a coaching question. He said, would you mind an idea? And I said, look, I’m wide open. What, What? He said, look, dad, you’re, you’re a better speaker than writer. he goes, I’ve heard you speak on this topic very passionately. What would you think about changing the process? I said, I’m still all ears, right? I’m still all ears because I need something to get me past this impasse. He said, why don’t you record the book your thoughts just in your iPhone in the memo section and then send those recordings to a, transcription service. AI Actually this was AI and that’s your first draft. And you could see me just, the energy get greater, kind of this weight being lifted. And I was probably a little embarrassed I hadn’t thought of the idea. And it was from there we really started to make progress. So it was really kind of cool. It was fun. It was fun to dictate the, you know, the chat. I’d create an outline. Right. What’s the main point? Yes, I think of the stories that would support it. And then I do a three mile walk in my neighborhood. Usually I did it walking and I would dictate the Chapter, send it to transcription. had a good friend of mine who knew I was working on it. I’d send him the tapes, he’d give me a little feedback. That was when momentum really started. So I, I had to get out of my own way. I had to get out of my way of what I thought I needed to do.

Bill Berthel:

Yes.

Ralph Simone:

And I had to be open to some coaching and some feedback as to how I might get it done in a different manner.

Bill Berthel:

Yeah.

So getting out of your own way. Another chapter from your new book coming out. Slow down to go faster. What are the key topics or favorite stories from the book? Without giving away too much, we’ll want folks to pick up your book.

Ralph Simone:

Well, you know, it seems like I should be like an 8th degree black belt in karate because I do have a, lot of inspiration. So the inspiration for the book title comes from Chuck Norris. Yeah. There’s a title for chapter seven. I think it’s Bridging the Gap.

Bill Berthel:

Yeah.

Ralph Simone:

And that’s also based on a story. Bruce Lee, it was on a 30 for 30 documentary on ESPN. And he talked about this concept of when you’re sparring with somebody, bridging the gap. And there’s actually a trust and collaboration that exists among spars, people that are in a sparring match. And in order for both to get the most out of it. So you have to bridge that gap. You can’t keep this distance. Right. You have to mix it up. There has to be a cooperative and collaborative trust that exists among both parties to get better. And as I think about, one of the challenges we have in a lot of our relationships is that we don’t bridge that trust gap. We keep our guard, we keep our mask on, we keep our armor up. And therefore we’re never vulnerable to actually build that trust, which requires us to slow down a little bit. But once that trust is built, and we’ve all experienced these trusting relationships, then we can move at warp speed. Yeah. but it requires us to get out of our own way, to take our mask, remove our armor, to be a little bit vulnerable, to be a little bit tender. But when that happens, we can speed up at, speeds that we’ve never anticipated.

Bill Berthel:

I mean, that alone. That story is a thimble full of slow down, to go faster. We have to slow down a little bit to have that vulnerability, build that trust. Then we go faster.

Ralph Simone:

Absolutely. Certainly we slow down when big life moments hit us.

Bill Berthel:

Yeah.

Ralph Simone:

But this is really about slowing down throughout our lifetime. It’s slowing down between meetings. I mean, there’s some very pragmatic tips in this, you know, post Covid. I think people schedule their time actually less effectively than they did pre Covid. So a lot of people who are still working remotely. There’s no travel time, so they’ll just schedule back to. Back to. Back to back meeting.

Bill Berthel:

Yeah. yes. Yes.

Ralph Simone:

So there’s no downtime. There’s no 2 minutes, 5 minutes in between to slow down, to take a deep breath and to reflect on what’s your intention for the meeting.

Bill Berthel:

Yes.

Ralph Simone:

And how do you need to show up in that meeting to realize that intention. So again, being very intentional, but building these buffers in. That’s why, you know, we like to start a lot of meetings that we run. We might do a reading and have a reflection on the reading, or we might take a minute or two of, just quiet time. Allow people to collect themselves, to let go of where they’ve come from.

Bill Berthel:

Right.

Ralph Simone:

To get their head around where they are.

Bill Berthel:

Yeah.

Ralph Simone:

Ah. And to be very intentional about what they want to accomplish. And I can hear, you know, the people in the cheap seat saying, oh, we got, we got stuff to do. We don’t have time to pause, we don’t have time to reflect. But it’s that very lack of reflection that being really too quick that causes us to be misaligned and to waste a lot of time and energy in relationships, in organizations and in daily activity.

Bill Berthel:

Yeah, I like that. It’s really the reset to get present to then be able to move forward at a better rate. For sure.

The book ends in a chapter titled Make It Happen. And to me that sounds like bringing this all together and driving to some action or some purpose. Tell me about it. Tell me about making it happen.

Ralph Simone:

There’s a lot of stuff packed in here and it’s not a long book, but I did pack a lot of stuff for my journey as a leadership consultant and as a leadership coach. But what we know is nothing happens if nothing happens. And what I wanted to do before the reader was finished is I wanted to get them into action around something that mattered to them. So that the last chapter takes them back to chapter two, which is On True North. It has them reflect their purpose statement, it has them review their top values, and then it gives them some time to think about what’s an activity that supports one of their important goals that they haven’t been spending much energy on recently.

Bill Berthel:

Okay.

Ralph Simone:

And the call to action is to block and hold some time for that activity during the upcoming week. Yeah. Concurrently, I Ask them to think about. All right. In addition to that, think about one thing that’s in your current calendar that’s draining you. That’s energetically draining. What would you think about eliminating that or delegating that or finding another way to get that done? So we’re really looking to get people into action before they set the book down. Yeah, positive action. But that requires them to slow down a little bit. It requires them to go back to their true north statement. It requires them to look at their calendar. Requires them to look forward in their calendar and to block out some time to make and keep an appointment with themselves on something that really matters to them.

Bill Berthel:

That’s awesome, Ralph. That’s awesome. The book is going to be available in print as an ebook and as an Audible book, correct?

Ralph Simone:

Yeah. So it will be available three different ways. It will be available as a paperback.

Bill Berthel:

Okay.

Ralph Simone:

Any book. And an audiobook through Audible. Yeah. In various distributions. In fact, I’m actually recording the second half of the book.

Bill Berthel:

Okay.

Ralph Simone:

Wednesday of this week. And the inside and outside cover have been approved. All of the internal content has been reviewed twice. So we’re pretty close. I don’t have a specific date, but I’m hoping sometime before Thanksgiving.

Bill Berthel:

Yeah.

Ralph Simone:

And Christmas. It will be available for purchase as one of those three paperback, ebook or audiobook.

Bill Berthel:

So you can really see the finish line from where you are right now.

Ralph Simone:

Yeah, I can see the finish line. I can actually see the. The book cover. It’s been energizing for me, I think.

One of the other chapters, I think, is of significance that I didn’t mention is don’t communicate. Connect. So I think we got more and more and more communications than we’ve ever had, whether it’s social media communication, email communication, and we have lots and lots of communication, but I don’t think we have enough connection.

Bill Berthel:

Yeah.

Ralph Simone:

Connection takes time. Connection requires us to slow down. Connection requires us to be open, to be really open to someone’s journey, someone’s story, and to be able to use that information to connect at a much deeper level. And so I think that part of slowing down and this could be, an opportunity for all of our listeners to just mindfully slow down in any conversation you have this week.

Bill Berthel:

Yeah.

Ralph Simone:

Whether it’s a retail exchange or a conversation with your children or your significant other.

Bill Berthel:

Sure.

Ralph Simone:

Just, set the intention of connecting. Don’t worry about what you’re going to say or how you’re going to say it. Just be there with this intention to make a stronger connection with whomever you’re interacting with and watch the magic, because I think true magic happens when we invest the energy and take the time to truly connect with with other people.

Bill Berthel:

I love it. Ralph.

And speaking of connection, if our listeners are interested in learning more or getting a copy of the book when it’s ready, how do they connect?

Ralph Simone:

Well, there’s a couple ways. Probably the primary way will be go to the landing page or the website, slow down to go faster. And that will, you know, send you to all the different places or depending on how you want to order it, either as a paperback, an ebook, or an audible. So slow down to go faster. We’ve got the domain.

Bill Berthel:

Awesome.

Ralph Simone:

And that would be probably the easiest way. I think they could probably also go to getemergent.com we would have a link to that page. But. But, the direct path is slow down to go faster.

Bill Berthel:

Ralph, thank you so much for sharing a little bit about your upcoming book. Really appreciate the conversation.

Ralph Simone:

Thanks, Bill. I’m excited. And you know, buy many, buy them often and, send them to all.

Bill Berthel:

Your friends so they might make good Christmas gifts here. Holiday gifts, folks.

Ralph Simone:

I hope. I hope so.

Bill Berthel:

Hey, and thanks for listening. We hope you enjoyed this episode and that you’re looking forward to more. You can listen to a new podcast two times every month here at Get Emergent or wherever you listen to your podcasts. And, we really hope you do connect. Thank you.