Owning your Work/Life balance!
After an amazing trip to visit a friend in the Hamptons, I was feeling refreshed and ready to get back to my workout routine with my personal trainer. While I was happily warming up on the treadmill, my personal trainer mentioned, with some frustration, that another woman who was supposed to join us for the workout had canceled. The reason given was that things were “just too busy,” and though this person wasn’t happy about missing her workout, she felt she had no choice. And why should she be happy? She is at the mercy of her busyness!
Now, this person has a demanding job, a family, and numerous other responsibilities. So do many of you, no doubt. It’s perfectly fair and reasonable to feel the pull of those immediate duties first. There are reasons–a sick child, say, or a surprise deadline at work–that may force us to rearrange our schedules. It could be that this woman had an emergency. But it could also be that, in a state of overwhelm, she made a quick decision that neglected her wellbeing.
To be clear, I am not trying to blame or shame this person. First off, I don’t have the full context of her decision. And we’ve all made similar choices on days we’ve felt less than our best: cancelling plans because we didn’t feel social, missing our morning walk because the baby kept us up, etc. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed from time to time, and canceling plans can be a form of self-care.
Nor do I want to say she should have come out of some moral obligation. Which brings up an important distinction, one I often make as a professional coach: could versus should. There is an enormous difference between the two words. Using the word should–”I should go to the gym” or “I should have eaten a better breakfast”–invites shame and guilt, which women experience more than their share of. It implies failure and limitation. Could, on the other hand, is empowering and full of possibility. It shifts focus away from a perceived failure and gets us thinking of creative ideas to help us feel better: “I missed my workout, but I could still go for a walk before work.” Should judges us for being less than perfect, while could encourages us to be better than we were yesterday.
I am curious how the woman’s day went after canceling the appointment. Did the extra time ease her anxiety, or would it have ultimately benefited her to do something for herself before the nuttiness of the day ensued? Only she can answer that, but my hunch is that going to her workout would have made her feel better in mind, body, and spirit. Again, I am by no means criticizing her choice, which was normal and understandable. But if I were her coach, I might ask her how that decision served her. Or, more pointedly, I might ask how it may NOT have served her and all the other people to whom she is responsible–her employees, her children, and her significant other.
So often we think that doing things for ourselves first is selfish, or even inconceivable. But what if the opposite is always true? What if serving ourselves is the greatest good we can do? We are here on Earth to experience our lives and be joyful, healthy beings. Showing loving kindness to yourself first allows you to generate more loving kindness, which you can then share with everyone in your world.
I challenge you to begin your day tomorrow by doing something for yourself, before your big responsibilities take over. Instead of asking “should I,” ask “could I!” Maybe it’s a workout, a five-minute meditation, or just some quiet time with your coffee and a book. See what this decision does for your day. Everything and everyone can wait–you and those around you will reap the benefits later!
If you’re interested in developing healthy mindsets and achieving work/life integration, send me an email at erika@getemergent.com.
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