“Woke” up: Every Problem is an Interpersonal Problem.

As Westerners, we tend to subscribe to either Freudian psychology (everything we deal with is trauma-based) or Jamesian psychology (will-power will get us through just about anything). What an interesting dichotomy … it’s either happened to us and we’re a victim or we can use our willpower to get to a better outcome. Yet absolute statements such as the title of this blog are rooted in some significant yet often overlooked psychology and philosophy.

Let’s take a brief look at that overlooked philosopher and psychiatrist, Alfred Adler.

Adler (1870-1937) was world-renowned in his day for his belief that we can only understand individuals within their social context. During the early 1900’s, Adler began addressing such important and modern issues as equality, parent education, the influence of birth order, lifestyle, and the holism of individuals. Adler believed that we all have one basic desire and goal: to belong and to feel significant.

Adler also suggested that all of our “problems” are “interpersonal problems,” meaning that the root of dysfunction in our lives is based on the relationship we have with the context, people and issues around us.

I believe this is the very intersection of trauma and willpower, where we play a central role by having a higher level of awareness and consciousness. It’s less about the trauma (or happenings) and it’s less about our willpower to get to an outcome. Adler’s point is that it’s all about how we relate to the happenings and our actions and behaviors that make a difference, and I think as leaders we can really leverage this philosophy and psychology into effective action.

And despite not being too far from my 50^th birthday, I have to admit that younger generations naturally or intuitively already understand this better! They even have a term for it … they call it “Woke.”

Ralph and I were in a coffee shop early one morning and Ralph asked the young barista if he knew of “Woke.” The young man answered, “Yes, if you are referring to the social and cultural awareness of ourselves and how we think, feel and fit in the context.” I recall Ralph saying something like, “Yep, that about sums it up!” We both knew the barista had said it better than we ever could have.

The “Woke” movement, in my estimation, is Adlerian psychology in contemporary action- and it’s refreshing, encouraging and exciting to witness. Here are a few take-aways for you to be more “Woke” if you care to be:

#1: Don’t go into denial (or asleep) when something challenges you. For example, a “woke” business leader I recently spoke with stayed very aware of his own limitations about having a difficult conversation with an employee who was not performing well. He could have easily gone into denial about not having the conversation, but instead he was aware of what he might try differently.

#2: Stay committed: Being “woke” will often require your commitment to be more objective in learning more facts about the topic or context at hand. Staying “woke” will require you to dig in a little deeper each time, refusing to turn away from what’s in front of you.

#3: Own your stuff: Your interpersonal relationship problems start with you. The sooner we own that and actively work to improve the relationships we have with ideas, people and cultures, the more effective leaders and teammates we become.

These ideas and suggestions to experiment with will change your relationship to various topics, people and contexts, and may ultimately reduce your interpersonal problems as well. You will become more influential and trusted as a leader as other people witness your own personal “woke.”