When I need a spark, I often return to old notebooks and training materials from when I was first getting my coaching certification. It’s nice to look back on these early days, and it helps remind me of fundamental principles I’ve come to take for granted. Sometimes I am simply seeking to re-anchor the basics in order to better serve my clients; other times I might be a little stuck with a specific challenge, and conduct an “archaeological dig” in hopes of finding an answer. Either way, revisiting old notebooks and journals can be a productive and fun way to move forward.
On one such expedition, I found a note I had written in the margin of my journal when I was in my last module of coaching training, well over 10 years ago. It said “favorites are limiting.”
I cannot recall the context of the note. I wish I could, because the idea is fascinating! How could something as “positive” as a favorite be limiting?
Challenged by this blast from the past, I began to think about my favorite coaching questions, my favorite methods and practices in my professional work… even my favorite foods, movies, and brands of clothing, cigars, fishing equipment… and then it dawned on me: when I consistently choose my favorite, I am saying “no” to other options and choices.
“Saying yes to one thing is saying no to other things” is a core adage in Stoicism. This principle asks us to take an honest view of the choices available to us, and to be more fully aware of the doors we do not walk through. In business, this is called “opportunity cost.” It finds expression also in Robert Frost’s famous poem, “The Road Not Taken.” This simple sentence directs our attention to an obvious truth: we should be intentional about our choices.
I started thinking: Perhaps over-relying on a favorite, or a go-to, is as limiting as saying yes when only once choice is offered.
I consider myself an open-minded person. I like to think that I am adventurous and that I try new things often. But I do have favorites, and was curious to discover how much they influence my decision making. So, I ran a self-audit over the past four weeks, noting my choices on simple things like food, clothing, and what to watch in the evening. I found that I am a creature of habit: when my favorite dish or television show was available, I invariably picked it. I rarely ventured from my established favorites, even when presented with attractive alternatives that might have been as good as (or better than!) my default choices.
I wonder about the cumulative effects of always going with an assumed favorite. Might we be limiting ourselves in our work by defaulting to comfortable methods instead of experimenting with new ones? Is it possible we’re holding ourselves back by staying “true” to what we know? When did we last verify that our favorites are still our favorites?
There’s one area in which I am free from this automatic programming: I do not have a favorite color. Whether I like a color is almost entirely dependent on category, context, and application. For example, I happen to dislike blue vehicles, despite the fact that my first car was blue. I prefer to see houses painted white, grey, or brown, but cannot really say I have a favorite house color. I love red for many purposes but would bristle at buying red shoes for myself.
Maybe there’s something to that. Perhaps lacking a true “favorite color” gives me more nuance and latitude when making color-based decisions. I can consider all the possibilities before me, as well as the context of the decision, rather than being limited by a supposed absolute preference.
I encourage you to pay attention to how your preferences guide decision making. You could run an experiment like mine, taking note of how often you automatically pick your favorite without seriously considering the other possibilities. This awareness will empower you to make conscious choices unencumbered by your assumptions.
How will you open your processes to new possibilities by not choosing your favorites?
I’d love to hear about your leadership experiments and better practices. Drop me a note or comment, or send me an email at [email protected].
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