Deep Listening and Right Speech

I’ve long been a big fan of the late Thích Nhất Hạnh, the Buddhist monk exiled from Vietnam who wrote and taught about mindfulness, peace, and being more Buddha- and Christ-like. As one of the most successful ambassadors of Eastern spirituality, he introduced me and countless others to modes of being that were uncommon, if not unheard of, in the West.

A central theme in many of his books is the importance of deep listening and right speech. I believe this dual practice is at the heart of all strong relationships and effective leadership.

We rarely listen deeply because we are preoccupied with either the past or future. How often have you been in conversation with a friend or colleague, and found that instead of paying attention to their words, you were lamenting a past event or worrying about tomorrow? We are almost never quiet enough to really see, hear, feel, and understand those we talk to.

So, what do we do about this? Listening training is not enough. Conversations are not exams to be passed or failed. The key to deep listening is in developing mindfulness and awareness. To listen deeply, we must first ground ourselves in the present moment—we must attend to the conversation with the belief that it’s the most important (and indeed only) thing worthy of our attention. Then, we can really tune into the person we’re engaged with, and in the process unlock levels of connection and understanding that would be otherwise impossible.

Once we have demonstrated understanding through deep listening, we turn to the other side of the conversation: right speech.

Right speech requires courageous authenticity. It means prioritizing honesty and genuine self-expression over comfort and ease. Naturally, it can sometimes feel like saying “the inconvenient truth.” Those who practice right speech know that feedback is a necessary gift in people’s growth and development. Their creed is honesty or nothing. Right speakers recognize the treasures and contributions of others, do not shy away from difficult conversations, and are vulnerable enough to truly apologize when they make a mistake.

As you can imagine, this is a difficult practice. It involves a great deal of unlearning. But unless we want our life to be a series of conversations we can’t wait to be over, it’s worth putting in the work.

I strive for deep listening and right speech because they promote values-driven communication. We must consciously attempt to live peacefully with everyone we meet by understanding their fears and desires. And we must find the courage, when required, to speak up, whether in praise, against injustice, or to make amends.