Recently, I found myself sitting in a hospital room with my daughter during an inpatient stay for some complex and confusing medical testing. At one point, as we sat together on those vinyl-covered chairs, she turned toward me, eyes locked on mine, and asked, “How are you feeling right now, Dad?”
The question caught me off guard. My reflex was to reach for the standard “Good!”—the safe, automatic response that keeps things light and easy. But something in her tone stopped me. I could sense this wasn’t a casual check-in. She was asking for something deeper, for me to be real with her about what was going on in my head and my heart. I decided to oblige.
After taking a slow breath, I said, “Honestly, I’m sad and insecure about all this. I feel powerless to help you. But I’m also thankful for everyone working to help us, and hopeful that we’ll find some answers.”
She paused, looked at me quietly, and then said, “Thank you.” The conversation shifted, and we moved on.
Later, when we were back home, she told me that in that moment she was struggling to name how she felt. She had asked me that question hoping my honesty would help her find the words for her own emotions.
That conversation reminded me of something powerful: being real about our own experiences, whether at work, at home, or in a hospital room, creates space for others to make sense of theirs.
When someone is wrestling with something hard, our instinct is often to ask, “How are you doing?” But sometimes, that question feels too heavy to answer. What the person may need instead is someone who’s willing to model honesty and vulnerability–to name their own dread, fear, or uncertainty so others feel comfortable doing the same.
To be honest, I’ve struggled to put this experience into words. But one thing feels certain: if I run from the dreadful moments, pretend they’re not happening, or try to manage them away, nobody wins.
Denying our feelings protects our egos at the expense of our innermost being. It is natural to try to hide emotions like shame and fear. It is crucial to remember that though these feelings are unpleasant, they are authentic expressions of our inner light. When we deny them, we all live a little darker for it.
But when we embrace the dread, when we face it with eyes wide open and speak honestly about it with those we trust, we discover something transformative. We realize that dread doesn’t have to isolate us; it can connect us. It can become a shared moment of courage and clarity.
And even when the road ahead seems unbearable, I’d rather face it with honesty, openness, and togetherness.
If you’d like to work on your courage and vulnerability, send me an email at [email protected].
Comments (2)
I have found that when the reply is “good, busy, swamped, or Ok” that these are surface level responses. Using the tactic of how are you feeling or going beyond when someone says busy tends to root out issues the employee is facing. This literally just happened 10 minutes ago to me in a 1 on 1 with an employee. “It’s been a busy week”, resulted in the fact that she is actually having a technical problem with one of the systems we maintain. By going further into the “why”, we now have the right people engaged and are helping her solve the problem that she was struggling with.
Hope all is well with your daughter, we should catch up soon.
Jeremiah, your message to us is insightful. I can certainly think of times I’ve responded a little differently than a “good” or “OK” and it has opened discussion that has been helpful. It has also opened up prior history that was not so positive. I think it’s important to consider if the time, setting and situation prior to share one’s feeling so that you know it will be useful for both parties at that moment. There is always the response that allows you to keep the door open by saying “we should talk further about this in the near future.”
Keep up the good work!