Leading with a Host Mindset

*Note: The following text is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

Bill Berthel

Welcome to the Get Emergent Podcast. The Get Emergent Podcast guides leaders to creatively strengthen relationships and improve performance of their leadership and those that they lead. We like to provide concepts and ideas that you can turn into pragmatic experiments to help you develop your higher potential in your work and your leadership. And we hope you’ll find some better practices to apply directly in your work and leadership. I’m Bill Berthel.

Ralph Simone

And I’m Ralph Simone.

Bill, I am really interested in what we actually you have come up for as a topic today. And we’re naming this, so I’ll share with the audience what we’re naming it, but I need you to tell them what we mean. Hosting as a leader.

Bill Berthel

Yeah. Yeah. So I recently revisited this concept. Just saw a, nice little article from Forbes magazine. It was one of their short E blasts or whatever they do. I like them a lot. They’re short, easy to read, and usually very insightful. I had heard about this concept when I first learned about Dan Goleman’s work in emotional and social intelligence. And that might have been 30ish years ago. There was another researcher, and I’m remiss to remember his name, but he was looking for the highest level of emotional and social intelligence, like in human behavior. What does that look like? And so a lot of their experiments were around being kind or being loving. It turned out that it was being a host. High levels of hospitality.

Ralph Simone

Wow.

Bill Berthel

Right. Their research suggested that. And it made me think, like, yeah, when I’m around really effective hosts or really gracious hosts, they’re creating a warm, welcoming environment where I can show up as my fullest, best self.

Ralph Simone

Isn’t that something?

Bill Berthel

Whatever the gathering is, whether it’s a party, a dinner, a social event, we usually think about. But think about hospitality in industry perspective. Right. Like when you enter a space you’re going to temporarily stay in, like an inn or a bed and breakfast or a hotel, doesn’t the host make or break it?

Ralph Simone

Absolutely. I think on previous podcasts we’ve talked about a good waiter or waitress saving a bad meal.

Bill Berthel

Yes.

Ralph Simone

Because they are your. One of your hosts for your dining experience. Initially, when I saw it, I was like, what am I going to participate? How am I going to contribute to this? First of all, I was thinking, was it Howard Gardner, by the way, on the research?

Bill Berthel

It may have been, yeah.

Ralph Simone

but I think this is fascinating because I think of myself is a fairly good host from a business perspective and quite a poor host from a social, personal perspective. And I’ve been Playing around with this.

So maybe we should talk a little bit more about the ways in which we as leaders can host more effectively, more impactfully.

Bill Berthel

I want to hear more about what makes you a effective host in the business space and maybe where there’s opportunities in the personal space for you, Ralph, because I think those examples and stories might be helpful. But what’s something that really caught me in that article that I recently read was to remember that if you’re the leader, you’re not the guest of honor at the party, you’re the host. Right. So that analogy for me set up this image of holding the space. I think we do that as coaches as well. Right. But as a leader, we hold the space, whether that’s a meeting, whether it’s a one on one, whether that’s a, factory floor work setting. As the leader, we’re holding that space for people to show up and contribute and participate. We’re not the star, we’re not the guest of honor at the party. A matter of fact, we’re not a guest, we’re the host.

Ralph Simone

No, actually they are the stars.

Bill Berthel

Yes.

Ralph Simone

And so this is maybe becoming a little clearer for me and I may have shared this story with you, but, this goes back almost 30 years ago and I was working with a consultant who will remain nameless. Brilliant guy. But one of my pet peeves with him is he was always tweaking stuff before we would host a training session.

Bill Berthel

Yes.

Ralph Simone

And, and it bothered me because we need, as hosts, we need to be meeting people as they come in. Yes. we need to be greeting them by name, we need to be making them feel welcome, not spending the last 10 minutes getting ready. and I think the difference for me, maybe personally and professionally is I’ve built in the structures and the systems and practices so that we’re ready to host.

Bill Berthel

Yes. So the achieving side of the business is ready and set. Whether you’re doing that proactively by showing up, hour early setting, literally in our trainings, the place settings, the workbooks are out, the pens are out, the name test. Right. The place settings are set, the environment’s very ready before any guest shows up. Then you’re ready as the leader, as host, to greet, to make connections, to share, maybe a quick story.

Ralph Simone

Correct.

Bill Berthel

To make folks feel really welcomed.

Ralph Simone

And I guess if I were to contrast that I don’t host very often at home, but I’m so focused on the achieving part of I’m not paying attention to the relating part. And you know, there’s no reason Why I couldn’t have, you know, I’ve done this before years ago. Have my events at my house catered. Yeah, because you know, that’s what we do, right. With our events. They’re catered. We’re not doing the cooking in the waiting on, Right. It gets catered. So I think that distinction really comes to life for me.

Bill Berthel

Yeah. So this, this is almost going to sound, I think, counterintuitive at least does to me. A very effective host recognizes they may not delight every single guest. So it’s not to be mistaken that the leader as host has to make everyone happy. That’s not the message here. It’s holding that warm, welcoming space so everyone can show up at their best contribution. They have to bring their best contribution.

Ralph Simone

Right. That’s on them.

Bill Berthel

that is on them. That is on the guest. Right. But the work of the gracious host is to make sure that everything within their reasonable power is to make them feel warm, welcomed and ready to participate.

Ralph Simone

So it seems like a gracious host leader is creating that psychological safety very much for people to engage, to bring their best selves, their authentic self to the experience.

Bill Berthel

That’s the word, Ralph. It’s the experience they’re having. Yeah, I think about any, if, if you’ve been lucky enough to go to a high end hotel or high end, you know, a kind of a boutique. We went to Italy as a family this last year and we decided to treat ourselves to nothing but four star accommodations. And you know, we, we saved up to do that. It was a trip of a lifetime. Five years of planning and saving and so forth. But even when the language wasn’t there, the language of hospitality was present. And how did you know that you felt safe in every way? You felt a, warm, welcoming kind of vibe or energy. Now it was up to us to receive that and it was up to us to enjoy that. We could have come in miserable, we could have come in tired. And sometimes we were tired. Right. We’re traveling. But it was up to us to really be there to fully participate.

Ralph Simone

Ah, it reminds me, and I think four star certainly helps, but time in Italy that we spent 15 years ago, I remember the bartender at this little, in this hotel, we stayed at a little lounge. But he made our family, all four of us, feel so important and so included. And we would often, in between activities, right after we went out for the day, we’d stop maybe for a soft drink or I might have a glass of wine. And then he asked us how our day was and he Actually gave us each a gift. I think we only stayed there four days or so to go home with. He gave the kids each a gift, my wife a gift. He gave me a bottle of wine, which I was like a little saying, how am I going to bring this home? But I did, and I’m glad I did. But just that, it was just the next level of hosting made us feel so comfortable in his place. Right. In his hotel.

Bill Berthel

Yeah, it’s beautiful. So there’s a human case here and there’s a business case. The business case shows that when people feel psychologically safe and welcomed to participate, they do. We get more ideas, we get higher levels of effort, we get higher levels of engagement. Right. I bet your family was very engaged with that bartender.

Ralph Simone

Still talk about him. People still remember his name.

Bill Berthel

I want to know where you stayed. I want to do business with that place and hope that bartender’s still there. Absolutely right. So there’s, there’s retention, there’s attraction for organizations.

In a time where most of us are complaining about finding good help or finding people that, quote, unquote, want to work, Quite frankly, hosting.

Ralph Simone

Quite frankly, I think hosting is a differentiator. And I think that while AI can be a differentiator, too much focus on the technology, too much focus on the achieving, I think takes away from balancing that tension between relating and achieving. And I think this could be a clear differentiator, for any of the leaders we work with. How are they hosting in their organizations?

Bill Berthel

Yeah, there’s an influence. There’s a, inspirational leadership component to this. I do go back to that idea of the, perhaps the highest level of emotional and social intelligence is the ability to host as a leader. And when we bring that kind of relating, we achieve more. This is balancing high levels. We’ve talked about this on several podcasts, and it’s ingrained in much of our work that balance between relating and achieving.

For scaling our leadership, Bill, I’m wondering.

Ralph Simone

I, think there’s two things that might make this more pragmatic and applicable for leaders is first, let’s talk about what we see as the opportunities to host in an organization. Maybe you can both come up with a few and then maybe some tips on how to host more leaders effectively or more impactfully.

Bill Berthel

The quick example, the first example that comes for me, is how we’re holding our meetings. I think many people are feeling like meetings are ineffective or, you know, maybe we’re overwhelmed with too many meetings. I get that. But leader as host has an opportunity to make meetings more Welcoming, more psychologically safe and much more engaging by taking on the host’s mindset.

Ralph Simone

I think the meeting is probably a prime focus, particularly in the knowledge worker space. I think that’s an excellent example. And perhaps to your point, maybe we would have less meetings if we thought that our role as leader needed to be one who hosted impactful, effective meetings. It might cause us to think about, is a meeting really necessary?

Bill Berthel

Absolutely.

Ralph Simone

But I think even in one on one conversations, I think this idea of if you think about hosting in a restaurant, there’s the maitre d or the host or hostess. Right. Those names are picked for a reason. There’s the waiter or waitress, there’s the people that bust the table, there’s the chef.

Bill Berthel

Yes.

Ralph Simone

All of the people play a role. And I think the way in which we host people in our office space, the way in which we greet people into our place of business, I think all of those things, and they may be subtle but small things that we could pay attention so that people would feel more welcome, more comfortable, and consequently more engaged. Because when you net that out, you get more performance. And I think even one on one, asking questions first, following instead of leading all the time, I think those are ways in which we could play a host more effectively.

Bill Berthel

Absolutely. I think it’s maybe a little easier for us because we see people that we work with less often. They’re coming into our space as a visitor or a guest. I think for the, the leader inside of an organization who sees their people on a daily basis, little easier to neglect this. perhaps. So I wonder how we practice those slightly warmer greetings. Making eye contact as somebody enters a meeting instead of shuffling our papers or getting that last minute email out on our laptops as the meeting is starting to assemble. What if we were present as the leader and welcoming our people into the meeting? It doesn’t have to be uncomfortable or corny or weird. It’s just some quick eye contact and hey Ralph, how you doing this morning?

Ralph Simone

Well, I think you’re spot on with us. Be where your feet are. And more space, less is more. Trying to do too much is what gets in the way of hosting, making these connections. And it doesn’t need to be formal, but it does need to be welcoming.

Bill Berthel

Yeah, yeah.

Ralph Simone

It doesn’t need to have a lot of pomp and circumstance, but it needs to provide the structure for people to engage.

Bill Berthel

Yeah, Love it.

Ralph Simone

So I think less is more. And I think just being present to, you know, who’s right in front of you. And I’m really wrestling with this, though I do agree with you. It’s easier for us, because of the type of work we do. But how we would, even in our day to day with our own team, how we shift our mindset to be in more host mode than just in execution mode. And I think we do it in some areas, like partner meetings or strategic planning. We get out of our space. Well, why do we do that? We allow someone else to be the host.

Bill Berthel

Yes.

Ralph Simone

Why do we do that? So we can show up to the activities that are most important. So, I think there’s lots of things, but it requires seeing this as an important attribute, as a leader, and then bringing that mindset to how could I better host my people in this situation? Whatever it is, I love it.

Bill Berthel

Ralph. Hey, Ralph. Thank you for today.

Ralph Simone

Appreciate it, Bill. This was fun. I wasn’t sure where it was going to go, but I liked the concept and I think our leaders will as well.

Bill Berthel

Yeah, the hosting mindset. And, thanks for listening, folks. We hope you enjoy this episode and that you’re looking forward to more. You can listen to a new podcast two times every month here at Get Emergent or wherever you listen to your podcasts. And hey, we hope you pick something up. You’re going to apply to your leadership and your work and let us know how that goes by reaching out to [email protected] or directly to me or Ralph. [email protected], [email protected] thanks for listening.