I often joke that I’m not sure whether I’m indecisive. Most humor contains seeds of truth, and I really do tend to struggle with decisions. Having this trait can, at times, be a drawback, but it can also be a strength.
My indecisiveness has never held me back in leadership because I have learned to utilize it in a very specific way—9 out of 10 times, being slow to decide serves me well. To explain how, it’s necessary to discuss decision making more generally.
Decisions involve two distinct processes: discernment and judgment. Discernment is that period of information-gathering, deliberation, and weighing of pros and cons. Judgement is, well, judgement! Some of us are more inclined toward quick judgement, which allows us to end the process of discernment and move forward with a decision. Others tend to linger in that pre-decision zone, considering all facts and factors and sometimes resisting the final choice. Judgement and discernment are equally necessary, but most people find one a lot easier than the other. Can you guess which camp I’m in?
Yes, I’m an avowed discerner. It’s a beautiful thing to be thoughtful and considerate in one’s decision making. Discernment is a process of gathering, and deeply connected with intentional and purpose-driven leadership. But I know from experience that staying too long in this part of the process will not yield a decision, only more perception. When stuck in this phase, I am not ready to end the process and move on. This is where indecisiveness can be unresourceful. But there is hope even for those of us who hem and haw!
William Bridges, in his best selling book Transitions, reminds us that every new beginning comes from an ending. I always keep this concept in mind when faced with a decision. I remind myself to intentionally “end” the open, data-gathering phase so I can reach a new beginning in the form of a decision. Framing it in this way helps me shift my decision-anxiety to decision-excitement.
Another strategy: the pain/gain exercise. When faced with an important decision with binary choices, I’ve found this to be extremely helpful. I often use it with my coaching clients. All it requires is something to write on.
Make a simple two-by-two grid—two rows, two columns. Label the rows with the two choices you are debating. For instance, say you are deciding whether to add a staff member to your team. The top row would be labeled, “Hire for the new role” and the bottom row would read, “Don’t hire the new role.”
Now, for the columns. You’ll label the left column “Pain” and the right column “Gain.” Pain refers to the drawbacks or costs of the choice, while gain, of course, refers to the benefits.
Next it’s time to fill in the boxes. This is done in a specific order. Start with the bottom right quadrant, the “Gain/Don’t hire” box. Fill in 3-5 reflections you have for that box before moving on to the top left box, “Pain/Hire.” Same idea—fill in 3-5 reflections. Go next to the “Gain/Hire” box in the top right, and then finish in the bottom left with the “Pain/Don’t hire” box. The order is important. It allows you to think through the decision by shifting focus, back and forth, among the various possibilities. This process is more dynamic and action-inducing than the traditional pro/con list, which, while sometimes helpful, is also an easy place to get stuck. The pain/gain method exercises your thoughts more deliberately, allowing you to see your way through to a solution.
When the decision is less important, I just flip a coin (wink, wink).
If you’re struggling to make a choice, consider the pain/gain exercise. And always remember that discernment is essential, as long as you don’t stay there too long!
Send me an email at [email protected] for more help in honing your decision-making skills.
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